Those New [Year's] Resolutions

One of my new year’s resolutions at the end of 2016 was to start dating. I’d like to take the full credit for this incredible idea, but need to be honest – it was thanks to a man I met (although we never actually met in person). He said that I don’t give anyone a chance. He, of course, said it after he didn’t get one. I, being myself, denied it. But he was right. And I decided to fix it. Hence, 2017 was a year, when I started dating.

Polite boy

I met this one before the New Year, but we went on our first date in 2017.

I was working behind the bar when he walked in. He sat at the bar, we chatted for a bit and I could already guess he was there to meet someone. All dressed up, neat and tidy, busy replying to some emails on his phone. He seemed well organized – he admitted researching the place before coming in. He made sure we accepted American Express. Later, when his date arrived, he ordered food. I managed to mess up his order by somehow missing half of it. I guess his beautiful eyes distracted me from his words. Nevertheless, out of boredom, my colleague and I decided that it was a brilliant idea to give this guy (who, remember, was on a date) my number. His answer to that was ‘it would be rude of me to say something while I’m with a girl, but thank you.’

About a week later, he messaged me, apologizing it took him so long, but, being dedicated to his work, he hadn’t had the time. Red flag right here.

Of course, I missed this obvious ‘just leave it’ sign and went on a date with Mr. Busy. He soon turned into a Mr. Polite, when not a single swear word or anything inappropriate came out of his mouth during our date. Which he, of course, planned well by researching the place, arriving half an hour early and paying for the drinks. ‘I ordered doubles, because I didn’t want to look stingy’ – he admitted the next day. The only slightly inappropriate thing he said was an offer to go ‘watch a movie’ at my place. I played dumb and ignored his obvious booty call. I even agreed on a second date… the next day.

Long story short, we were walking around, holding hands and he only tried to kiss me three times. The exact number of times he was rejected.

The polite boy lived up to his name by never arguing, being politically correct and not laughing at my obvious geographical ignorance. Come on, man, I laughed at my jokes more than you did.

We tried to meet up a couple more times, but it didn’t work out, as he was always too busy. And, to be honest, I don’t even know if I wanted to see him. But not having been on a date in years, I felt like I had to hold onto this. We exchanged many more dull messages, when eventually we both lost interest in each other.

Tall and funny

My first Bumble date! This one made it clear that he (and his flatmates and all the other hundred people he told about going out with me) thought that I was out of his league. He also made me laugh many times. Extra points for that, dear Scotsman.

During our date at the aquarium (more points for being original), I probably learnt more about the person’s flatmates than about himself. Some of his personal stories were quite entertaining. I learnt that his boss deliberately puts him on a conference call with Indian clients to keep himself entertained while they try to figure out what language this Scottish person speaks.

We went for some drinks, chatted about many things and I genuinely had a good time. He messaged me the same night, made me laugh even more, but then neither of us got in touch again. He did say he was going on a rugby tour to New Zealand and asked me not to fall in love with him, so I didn’t.

Famous and he knows it

My second Bumble bee.
We did have a lot in common with this person. He won me over the second he said ‘thank f**k for my script writers’ when I admitted that he had made me laugh. Moreover, I got some professional advice from this ex-journalist. Being on screen for some of the largest UK news broadcasters, he knew what he was worth. His name was once mentioned in a book, where it said something among the lines of ‘this British journalist won over the hearts of many women.’ Nevertheless, I felt like I managed to put him into his place and that’s what kept him interested in me. On the other hand, I should’ve ran away as soon as he told me about his crazy ex-girlfriend he had broken up with a month ago. Red flags were waving at me from the moment he ordered a glass of rose wine at the bar where we met, but I stupidly ignored it.

As you can guess, there’s no happy ending to this story. While it was definitely the highlight of my summer romances, he disappeared before I was ready to let him go. Luckily, his crazy ex-girlfriend never appeared on my doorstep, but neither did he.

Some more summer romances

Three months is a long time, especially when your friends are there to make sure you don’t miss out on the fun. The first one was a Brazilian tourist in Edinburgh, who, as I later found out, lied to me about his age. It was this young boy's lucky day. At least more lucky than the day after, when I had to kick him out at 7am.

I found out about another date while being woken up at a music festival, when my friend announced that she has set up a blind date for me the next day. While my other, slightly more sober, friends were shaking their heads when I asked if the guy was my type, I still went for it. The date lasted about three minutes until the friend, who set up the date, had to admit that her judgment might have been poor under the influence of alcohol. She did make up an excuse to leave the date by saying that we all need to go grab something from the car. And then ignored his offer to join us.

She did make it up to me by setting me up with another guy on the same day. No complains here, a criminal police officer was a real gentleman. Unfortunately, I had to leave the country soon.

Husband material

Having moved to a different city and having more time in my hands, I decided to carry on my new year’s resolution. My friends fell in love with the Bumble date number three.
Our first date was a very normal first date. We had some drinks, chatted about our lives and tried to get to know each other better. He appeared mature, attentive, was polite and had a good sense of humour (which simply means that he laughed at my jokes). I have to give this one some credit for his wardrobe skills – even from his outfit one could tell that this man has got it all together.

More of his traits came out on the second date, which he planned well. A nice ghost tour just before Halloween – well done. I could already tell this person was organised and slightly dominant. Not too much to put me off, though.
The date went well, but we had the most awkward first kiss ever. I was waiting for my bus and when it was approaching, the guy leaned towards me with a clear intention to brush his lips against mine. At this point, I wasn’t sure if I wanted it, so I turned my cheek. Probably thinking that it wasn’t intentional, he gave it another try, but got to see my other cheek. Seeing how awkward it was getting, I thought ‘ah, what the hell’ and decided to take things over to my hands. Unfortunately, by this point he had given up and stepped back, which I had not foreseen and basically fell over the poor guy. Eventually, our lips met and I experienced the most awkward 1.7 sec lasting kiss when my bus arrived and I had to leave.

Willing to forget the awkward kiss, he planned our third date. He even asked if he could call me, which I found very 90’s like - where you had to inform people about planning to call them at 7pm, so from 6:45pm they’d be sitting and staring at the phone, waiting for it to ring. However, some of my girlfriends took it as a sign of good manners and I went along with it.
While everyone I spoke to about this person has agreed that he’s one of the kind and would be a great husband, I wasn’t feeling it. And at this point, someone less mature, absolutely wrong for me and flaky as a snowstorm appeared. I had to let go of the husband material.

Flaky party boy

I met this one at a bar he worked at. This buff boy made me laugh. He partied a lot, dreamt about travelling to Peru and bragged about selling drugs. Who else does one need after seeing a mature professional with a bright future?

My friends could see how excited I was and made the first move for me – gave this guy my number. We chatted, but his promises to take me on a date were not really turning into actions. I was getting bored, but thoughts about his strong arms kept me going.

Eventually, I took over and seduced him into seeing me. While always wanting to be hunted, I hunted this one down myself. Didn’t keep him under my foot for long, though. He was busy partying, never had any time and kept promising, but never delivered. He wasted all the chances I gave him, and I gave him way too many.

I heard many epithets from my friends for chasing this kid. I would’ve probably found them offensive if I didn’t know they were true. Promisers keep promising, smart people move on.

While at the end of this year I’m still single, I couldn’t be happier about making this resolution. At the end of the day, it made me understand that the dream everyone talks about - to find the one and settle down - is not what I dream of, yet. Don’t know how many times I’ll have to get my heart broken to get there, but I’m sure it will be worth it.